Hello there
On how envy guided me here (and how that doesn't have to be a bad thing)
Hi Friend,
It’s been about a decade since I last wrote into the ether. Back then, it was a blogpost on Bloglovin, and it was about fashion. I was in my early twenties, and convinced I should be a fashion blogger. Influencers did not even really exist yet. Looking at the world of fashion influencers now, I do not regret not going down that road, even if the main reason I didn’t was my inability to be consistent with anything. But I will admit, when I see the fashion bloggers of my youth start business now, and publish books, there is a part of me that’s envious.
I’ve learned to view envy as a guiding emotion. Envy, or jealousy, tells you about your desires. So the main thing to examine, is what it is exactly that you are envious of. Am I envious because they are famous and pretty and loved by my peers? Perhaps, although the thought of being famous doesn’t appeal to me all that much. I’m generally pretty happy with a little anonymity. Am I envious because I see them buy expensive clothes and designer furniture? A little! I love nice things! Most of all, though, my envy is about the opportunities they have. I would love to publish books. I would love to start a business. I would love to do creative collaborations with other people out there. In the decade since I wrote my last blogpost, these creators have worked hard on building their platform, and as they found their people and created a community around them, opportunities started coming up. Good for them! Now, what about me?
I have spent the past decade jumping from project to project. I got a degree in International Relations, but was bored with the topic already by the time I graduated. I worked in finance, but didn’t like the culture of that world. I worked for the government, where I had great colleagues, but the bureaucracy of it went so much against my nature that it resulted in a serious burnout. And in between, I tried my hand at about a million other things. I learned a lot about what I’m not good at, and what doesn’t work for me. By the end of this decade, while having some time off as part of my burnout leave, I ask myself the question: what do I actually know? What have I learned? What am I good at?
I quickly knew: throughout all the different jobs in different fields, different interests, different volunteer positions, and different projects, at least one thing remained consistent. My 10.000 hours are, easily, in learning about mental health. It’s the field I looked to for hope. For a light at the end of tunnel as I moved through a life that did not suit me. For the chance of finding an anchor in the chaos. 10.000 hours of consuming books, articles and podcast, as well as going to therapy and actively trying to apply what I learned. So that’s what I know. And what I’m good at? Being relentlessly curious. Asking questions. Contemplating. Overthinking. Writing.
So that brings us here, to this letter. A place where I will continue to learn, in community, and where I will share what I have already learned. A place where I talk about putting into practice what I learn and share my experiences. A place where I hope to find my people, and where I hope to be found as your people. After a whole entire decade, I am once again writing into the ether, this time about a topic I am very passionate about. Because mental health matters!
What you’ll find in this newsletter:
My experiences in applying all types of selfhelp tricks to my life
Weekly tiny mental health challenges for you to join me in my journey
Space for you to share your questions and insights
Links to articles and podcasts I love
Inspiring role models
Random things that bring me joy, because joy matters ❤️
Madeleine Dore, who has been a great source of inspiration to me, wrote in her recent newsletter that “you don’t have to know exactly what a thing is before you begin a thing”. I’ve decided to take that advice to heart, which means this newsletter might also contain a lot of things in the future that I haven’t even thought of yet.
I’d love for you to join me on this journey, and I’d love even more for you to take Madeleine’s advice too. If there is any vague dream you have, don’t wait until you know exactly what to do. Just start. Your vision will develop as you go. And if you do, please share it with me! I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
Special thanks also to Toni Lodge from the Toni and Ryan Podcast, for regularly shouting at her listeners to “start the fucking podcast”. Watching her and Ryan make their dreams come true has been inspiring as heck, and partly thanks to them, I am starting the fucking newsletter. I hope you’ll follow along.
See you next week,
Hedi
P.S. As a new substacker, I’d love to hear your feedback! All thoughts are welcome :). And if you liked what you read, please subscribe and share! It’s completely free, and your support means the world to me. Thank you!